Seasons....

Seasons come and go but things seem to remain the same in this Vella household. Not a lot going on. Just working a lot and Mike trying to start up his business again. One great thing to report is that my little brother's pee wee football team were undefeated this year and won their championship game even if that is what it's call. Yes they are the forces so it's was army themed and all. I saw Preston who is Mike's youngest son the other day and I asked him why they don't email or call or come and see us anymore and he told me it was because of his mother. I was sadly taken back but knew that was probably the reason she is a conniving and deceiving person if I have ever met one. I can't ever image doing that to someone. Yes Mike has health issues but he can still be there for his kids and she will not allow him too. The only time he gets to see them is when they are with their grandma and grandpa. Sorry got a little off track here. So I have been working a lot and there are a lot of new changes time can only tell if they are really going to help but I hope it does. I have found the people I can really trust and I know who I can't and the saying is true you really do find out who your friends are. The older I get the more I see my parents were right about certain things that I did in my past and that I regret doing but I can truly say that I lived and learned. Well that is all I can think of right now I am sure I will find something real soon to write about. Everyone please remember this is a season for giving and helping others. Everyone have a wonderful and safe holiday season!!!!

Time for an update........

It's time to update on what has been going on in the life of me. I am now a Patient Care Tech at work and I absolutely love it. It means that I can enter physician orders and am still an aide on some days. We haven't had the boys in awhile which is actually very weird. I am used to them being around. I kind of miss the little boogers. It's actually really nice not having to deal w/ their mother. I am going to try to get into school now that we have a computer that actually works. Mike and I are still struggling but I believe that this too shall pass. We all just have to be tested and I believe that this is probably one of ours. We have been talking about going back to church. I think that it might be a good idea. My little brother Tanner is talking about going into the Navy which I think will be good for him but I really don't want him to go. I worry about the little booger. He is after all my brother and I love him. My family came down from Utah for Jackyln's baptism and it I enjoyed Halloween with them. Not all my grandparent's kids could make it but the Follis's did. I don't get to see them very often so it was nice to see them. We saw some cool halloween decorations I will post a picture of some of them. We saw some pirates of the carribean decorations and the ship was completely built into the ground. I am just happy that I am no longer a teenager. I watched my teenage cousins and remembered those days and am so glad to be out of that phase of my life. I have more to write about but am tired and need to get some sleep because I have been sick. So everyone have a good night and I'll write more later.

Once again.....

I keep starting this blog entry and erasing it. I don't know what to say. My life is pretty boring and it seems that I just ramble on about anything and everything and you can get lost in what I am talking about. I'll try not to do that but forgive me if I do. Lately I've been feeling like Mike has been withdrawn but I guess it could be me. He's been stressed about everything. The economy right now is making things difficult for everyone. I am so thankful that I have a job and it is secure. I guess they are talking about closing our floor during the summer because they are expecting the census to drop like it always does but I don't like that idea. I'll end up having to be in the float pool and go around from floor to floor. If the swine flu is as bad as they say it is we'll see what happens. Our floor has been pretty full lately which is a good thing we are trying to keep the census up. Tanner, my little brother, is graduating in a month which is exciting for everyone. My mom was saying that she couldn't wait for Tanner to graduate but now she is probably regretting those comments. He can be a little bastard but he loves everyone he just has a funny way of showing it. He's like my dad. It's funny because Tanner was always a mama's boy and is still to this day. He invites my mom to go with him to movies, ball games ect... I was a daddy's girl and am still to this day. I feel bad because I treated my parent's like crap when I was a teenager I was nasty to everyone and for that I am sorry. I am nervous for my little bro he is going to be going out into the world and it's a scary place right now. I don't want him to make the same mistakes I did. From the time I was 17 I moved out of my parent's house at least 8 to 9 times. And it was all over a boy that wasn't worth my time. Well I'll write more later I need to get my butt in bed and I am rambleing......

Update time I guess.....

I know I haven't updated lately I've been extremely busy and exhausted. I've been working every other day lately and it's just beating me up. Well lets see the boys got in trouble a few months back because they were writing bad words back and forth to each other on their nintendo DS and Preston decided to write some not so nice words on the neighbors electical box at their mother's house. I mean these are words that I could have been in really deep for saying and in fact I have been in really big trouble for saying them and I said them when I was 17. I guess when their mom was telling Mike what was going on she was dropping those words left and right and she wonders why they say those things and blames it on the videos games and on us. We don't talk like that in front of them. She says that they are learning morals and ethics at their house and they don't need to go to church which I think is a load of bull *obviously*. Well I could probably go on and on about what a piece of crap she is but I'll try to hold it back. Mike and I are doing alright. We both have been sick a lot lately. We don't know what is going on. If I'm not sick he's sick and vice versa. He had to go and get another MRI because now his leg is numb and that can be a number of things. It is either neurological or possible blood clot in my opinion. I just see them everyday the only thing is that his leg isn't warm like they get when you have a blood clot and it is painful. Work has been stressful and physically demanding lately. We have a way over weight patient that took 6 of us too turn them but they are getting better and we are hoping that we get to send her to a SNIF soon. I found out that one of our hospitalist passed away at 0200 this morning from a seizure they were only 38 years old. The Dr. aspirated during his seizure and they couldn't get him back. They had just had a new baby to which breaks my heart. I can't imagine what their family is going through right now. It also worries me because Mike has seizures and it is a very big wake up call on how serious they can be. I also had a patient yesturday and today that has MS and reminded me so much of my Granny. It was so hard for me. It brought back all the memories that I had of her. It's been 9 years since she passed and I still miss her. The way the patient acted and just his demenor. They were the nicest person but they were really had to understand. I was the only one that could understand them everyone came to me to see what they needed. All I know is it was really sad and hard for me. If I could stay the whole night and take care of them I would have but I have a husband now that I need to keep an eye on. I am just relieved that after nine years of her being gone that I can still look back and get weepy when I think about her. She was the most amazing person to me. She was always someone that I could talk to about anything. If I needed a shoulder to cry on and just a friend face she was there. I swear when she passed away I had a nice calm feeling come over me and I knew that she passed and I broke down. Well I can go on forever with this subject too so I am just going to say that I miss her and I don't think that will ever change until I see her again. Anyway work has been busy and stressful but it is awsome just knowing that we are helping people and seeing how much they appreciate it. Well this is all I am going to write bacause I will keep rambeling on and on. 

Family update

Mike and I have a new addition to our family. I would like you to meet Mimi Vella. She is a full breed boxer she's a black and white brindal but there isn't that many brown spots on her. She's around two or three and she is the best dog that I have ever owned. Don't get me wrong I love my bassett hound Lulu but she would drive my neighbors insane. We decided that we would get Lulu back when we move because she likes to hear her voice. Well Mimi doesn't bark at all I think that I've heard her make noise once. We are trying to fatten her up a little bit because she is a little skinny. She seems to like me better than Mike right now because I think that he made her made. He yelled at her because she tried to run away from him and he can't catch her if she does that. She loves kids and she loves being with people. She wears her heart on her tail she seriously never stops waging it. I was a little hesitant on getting another dog but I am glad we decided to get her. She is so sweet. I was depressed and sad and I know it's weird but I seem to be happier now. I love my life and I love my husband but Mimi has brought something into our family that I think we really needed. I don't feel the need to get frustrated and angry like I was doing before we got her. Well the whole court thing is over now. We only have to pay about $500.00 dollars a month and that includes health insurance. So out of pocket we are payin $300.00. I was relieved and have been sleeping much better now. Mike's been sick now for the past week or two and it is starting to worry me. Mike thinks that he may have had a seizure on Saturday because he's been sore and tired and he was acting really weird like he does after he's had a seizure. I am so happy that I have him in my life I just wish there was something that I could do for him I keep asking him what he needs me to do and he says nothing. He wouldn't even let me make him dinner tonight which is weird because he hardly ever turns down dinner. I am going to make dinner for him tomorrow though maybe when he's at work. Well that's it for now. I don't really have anything else to talk about.

Time for an update.....

Mike's court thing with the whole child support thing is tomorrow. I've seriously been frustrated about all of this for months. I am suprised that I don't have an ulcer from all of this. I don't know how she can ask for 1300 a month for two kids my dad's cousin doesn't even pay that for three kids. She told Mike that she didn't want me to go and I said too bad I am going. Plus Mike doesn't want to have to go and sit in a court room with her. She is seriously ridiculous. The sad thing is that Mike wants his kids more and she won't let him. She thinks she can still control him and she is trying to control me I think not I don't let people control me anymore. I was in a bad relationship on and off for 6 years and that is definately not going to happen with her. So there's really not much going on in the life of me. Work is the same except for Thursday. Thursday was seriously insane. It wasn't even the patients that were being the problem it was all the family members. I think that most of it was because there was a full moon. People say that they don't believe that but you should work in the healthcare field it's night and day when there's a full moon and when there's not one. Well I should get to bed so that I can get up and get ready for the whole court thing.

It's a new year ready or not

So it's a new year I can't say I was ready for it but who can really say that they are really ready for it. Time for new resolutions and new beginnings. Mike and I are disgussing what our resolutions are going to be but we have no idea yet. We'll see I guess. Mike has been acting really weird lately it's just when he sleeps though. I am thinking it is from his anti-siezure medication. I looked up the side effects and he has most of them. He has been getting sleep but I haven't because he can't keep his legs steal and he will moan and groan all night. Last night I had to go and sleep in the kids room because he just wouldn't stop. He is impossible to wake up. I keep telling he needs to go talk to his neurologist and he hasn't done that yet because he missed his last appointment and is worried that they are going to charge him for it but really who cares his health is more important. I heard from my grandparents and my grandma seems depressed. They are on their mission and are enjoying it, but it seems to me that they are having a hard time being away from the family during the holiday season. Everyone did what they could to keep them from thinking they missed anything down here. We sent the video and pictures of our family get together. She really liked that but my grandma cries about anything and everything. That's the one of things that make my grandma special. Then there's my grandpa he's a hard ass and isn't a city person and when they got their calling to Manhatten he didn't necessaryly like that but once he got there he started to like it. He's seen Mama Mia like 3 times and really liked it. Now my dad is making fun of him. Court in on the 12th of January and I really want it to just be over with because I hate not knowing the unknown. I just want to know how much we owe the fucking bitch and be done. Well those are my thoughts for now. It seems that I am running out of things to write about.

The life of a healthcare worker

There are those days that make you really sad and bummed out when you work in the healthcare field. So today I participated in my first code. Don't get me wrong I have seen people die plenty of times and most of the time they were DNR patients so we didn't have to start CPR and most of the time they come to us as comfort care patients which means most of the time they are non responsive but don't get me wrong there are those that aren't like that. Well anyway there was a patient that was up walking around and talking two days ago and seemed to be ok, than today that all changed when I heard the code bell start ringing and we had to start CPR. It was a good learning experience for me and what we needed to do in that situation. It is moments like that that make you realize how short life really is and how fast it can be over granded the patient was older and had some health issues. I feel for the family. The relative later told us that the patient was DNR and that it was in their living will but they didn't sign a DNR piece of paper so we had to do the CPR until we had that news. Lets see what else happened today, I had really heavy patients today 5 of which were pretty much total care patients and every single one of them needed cleaned up at six o'clock and I amazingly finished it and was out of there on time I was honestly in utter shock I was sure that I was going to leave late. One of my patient's family members offered me a part time job on the days that I don't work just so I could help her if she needs and she offered me more than I am getting paid now. I gave her my number and told her to call me if she needs any help and that I would come and help her even if that means coming and sitting with him if she has to go somewhere I am hoping she follows up with that offer because it sounded pretty good to me but then again if she is getting home healthcare from the hospital she may not need me we'll see how it all works out. Mike and I are doing ok. He wants me to quit my job and just find another one he doesn't like me working all the way in Scottsdale I told him that's not going to happen because I like only working 3 days a week so if I wanted to get another job I could. I think he just doesn't want me working two jobs but I want to just so we don't have to struggle so bad. Well these are my thoughts for today...

I can't sleep

I absolutely hate that I can't sleep on the days that I have to work. It's no fun. Well I got SPL'd yesturday and it was nice being home with my hubby. We haven't been together that much. He was off almost all week and my work schedule was all messed up and I didn't get to see him that much because I was working. Yes it's probably a good thing that I worked just because I am sure we would have found something to fight about but we are getting better at not fighting or at least I would like to think we are. I am so glad I have him in my life. He is the easiest person to get along with but at times he can be the most hard headed and two hard headed people aren't good because neither of us will budge when it comes to certain things and we have to agree to disagree. I did have to go into work for the last 4 hours of my scheduled shift and it seemed to fly by and be relatively easy I guess it's because I took over for two very reliable people that do their stuff like they are supposed to. I am going to talk to my manager tomorrow if he is there and see if I can cross train to be a HUC so I don't get sick of my job. I've been there a year and it seems to be getting the best of my sometimes. Well I guess I'll give it another shot at sleeping because I will be exhausted tomorrow if I don't

Random thoughts

This cute little 8 year old was baptized today. This is Preston Mike's youngest son and my step-son. Mike and I are very proud of his decision. Preston was crying all morning because he was nervous and feeling weird but that soon passed after all the family got there. My mom couldn't make it because she was in the dunes and she felt bad about it but I told her not to worry about. There wasn't as many people at Preston's baptism as there was at Cole's just because it was on such short notice because Jolene had to consult Ron first not that it's any of his decision. Ron is a Baptist and they are against Mormons and don't like them. I don't have a problem with Baptists but I do have a problem with the fact that Jolene thinks that Ron has any say in the matter it is not his decision. It is her's and Mike's decision. Speaking of which Jolene and Ron conveniently had to flu so they didn't go to his baptism. I honestly think that they weren't sick. Ron probably didn't want to go so Jolene didn't want to go. The only time Jolene has balls is when Ron is around otherwise she hides herself. She's not scared of Mike I think she is scared of me because you know I am such a scary person. Anyways back to what I was saying. Preston's baptism was nice. Mike's dad did a great job on the baptism and confirmation. Lisa (Mike's sister) came over this afternoon and showed us the dog that she was fostering. It is a 4 year old weiner dog named Penny. She is a gorgeous dog, and well mannered and potty trained. If anyone is interested in adopting the dog let me know and I will let Lisa know. There is an adoption fee though it is $260.00. But she has AKA papers, all her shots, and is spade.

I had a great day with Mike. We aren't fighting as much anymore and I enjoyed seeing the kids they are being nicer to us. Cole told me he loved me and he has never said that to me before it was nice hearing that. I have felt like the boys didn't like me but I now I know they do. Well those are all the thoughts I have for today.

Be thankful for your health

Imagine having to spend the holidays in the hospital. I feel for these patients that had to spend their Christmas in the hospital and all they wanted was to be home with their loved ones. Patients are understanding on why they can't go home but yet are still sad they didn't get to spend their Christmas with their families. Although a lot their families made it the best they could for them but a lot of my patients said that it just wasn't the same. One of my patients said that she had decorated her house and doesn't even remember what it looked like because she has been in the hospital for so long. Then I had the patients with the family that have the family that are at their bedside day in and day out holding their hands while their loved one doesn't even recognize them. I am scared for when that day comes because dementia and alzheimerz runs in my family and I just don't want my husband or my brothers having to deal with that. I decided that if that day comes I just want to be drugged to where I am sleeping all the time so I don't become combative and mean to the nursing staff or my family that I care for. Those are my thoughts for the day. I will have pictures of Prestons baptism tomorrow.

Merry Christmas...

I got what I wanted for Christmas. The only thing I wanted was for it to rain and it did. Mike and I didn't do anything for Christmas this year I slept all day again and he watched his movies that I don't like watching. It was good just being with my husband. I am glad that I have someone like him in my life. Yes I give him a hard time a lot of the time but he knows that I still love him and that I will never leave him. I guess that's the best present you can give someone the present of trust and faithfulness. Yes that's probably not a word but I like to make up words. Well Merry Christmas to you all and a safe and wonderful holiday season. I want to see any of you in the hospital. I'm sure I'll have stories for you tomorrow or on Saturday when Preston gets baptized.

Embarrassing or not you tell me

Today not a lot happened but I have to write about my somewhat embarrassing experience I had today. I don't know if it was more emabarrassing for me or for my patient. So when you work in a healthcare setting you aren't allowed to take grutities from patients. I really appreciated the gesture but it was really hard to have to go back into the patients room in fear that I was going to embarass them and say I am sorry I can't accept this but I will keep the note. They gave me note with $10.00 dollars in it. They were really sweet and they understood why we aren't allowed to accept those kind of things. I have found that patients want to give more around the holidays and appreciate everything you do for them more. That's pretty much it for now. I need to go to bed seeing as they wiped me out today.

What a year....

So this year is almost over. I am not sure I am ready for whole new year. It seems to me that whenever you get used to finally writing the right year the year is over. This year has been full of ups and downs. 2008 was a rough year it seemed rough on everyone this year the whole economy and even on people that we hold dear to our hearts. This year has had a lot of good and bad things come from it. The economic melt down which was bad but it also brought to light what is really important in life and what really isn't. The war in Irag we need to support our troops and pray for their safe return. Working in a hospital this past year has really made me thankful for what I have because before you know it life can be gone in a blink of an eye and the ones that we hold dear could no longer be around. I wish you all happy holidays and a happy new year!

It was a great day...

Today I woke up to my phone ringing. It was my mom. Granted it was almost 10:00 am. She was just letting me know that they were having pizza and cake for her birthday. When I started my day I didn't feel like doing anything but being lazy again, but I couldn't stand my apartment anymore I couldn't even walk through it without tripping over something. I am sure glad I cleaned it always makes me feel better when I am done cleaning and can sit back and see what I had accomplished. My mom turned 47 today and had a pretty good turn out for her little get together. She had to get her own cake today and when they asked her what she wanted on the cake she said and I quote " hummm..... Happy bithday to Me...haha" I find that funny just because my dad isn't the type to go and get cake my mom has always been the on that had to do that kind of thing. It was good to go and see my family and their friends. I miss my family and being with them. They aren't going to be around for Christmas because they are going to the dunes off and on the for the next couple of weeks. That is where they are spending their Christmas this year. It's going to be weird not having my family around for Christmas because this will be the first year that we won't all be together for Christmas in my whole 22 years of being alive. I guess I need to just get used to fact that the siblings are getting older and that there is no need to stay home for Christmas anymore seeing as they don't have to do the whole pretend thing with Santa anymore. Well those are my thoughts for today.

I caught up on my sleep

I slept all day today I would wake up and just fall right back to sleep. I haven't been sleeping that well lately so it was nice just to sleep. Mike and I have been fighting a lot lately about anything and everything. A lot of it is me just because I am not the kind of person that can't just let things go he is. He is passive aggressive he hates fighting. I don't like fighting either but when things get to me I have to get it out. My problem is that I will bottle it up until I can't hold it in anymore and then I just explode. A lot of it I think is since I haven't been getting a lot of sleep I get really cranky. I feel so bad for my husband because I can be a major pain in the butt and really mean. I'm trying to be better and try telling him what's on my mind when it enters into my head but that's not who I am. I am the kind of girl that doesn't like to complain and always wants to make other people happy even if that means I am miserable. Lately though I've had good cause on some of the things that I get up set and passionate about. I am lucky that he doesn't like to argue he just lets me blow up and that is usually it, but it scares him when we fight he worries about our marriage. I don't really worry about it just because I know what we have and how we feel about each other. We talked about the whole thing that happened last night and he agrees with me for the most part he said that he doesn't blame me. Well that's it for now.

A happy picture to make up for my cranky blog

I miss when we were always like this. Now we are more at each others throats. This was one of our engagement photos. We took it at Val Vista Lakes in Mesa, it was great day. My mom and her friend did a great job on them. I really do love my husband and I am never going to let go of him I just need to him to understand my feelings sometimes. I love you hunny!

Nothing special

So today has been a relatively good day. Mike wasn't feeling well today so he didn't go to work and we slept pretty much all day because we are both sick. We have the boys this weekend so we picked them up and they were playing video games and running around which isn't the best thing to do in a two bedroom apartment when both parents are sick but I guess that is what happens when you have kids. Cole is acting a little weird but that isn't really anything new they just know we are both sick and we told them that they didn't want to get to close because they don't want what we have because whatever it is it's not very nice. I thought I'd be over it by now but I guess I was wrong. Preston and Cole pretty much already know what they are getting for Christmas because we asked them what they wanted and got them exactly what they wanted. We are supposed to have them on Christmas day but who knows I know that no one what's to deal with their hooker of a mother so I doubt that that is going to pan out like it is supposed to. So I am supposed be getting the 27th off for Preston's baptism but if Julie didn't switch with me I don't know what I am going to do. I guess I could always ask for them to SPL me at work but I really don't want to ask for that seeing as I already had to ask to go home sick yestuday. Mike and I are probably going to quit smoking and I am excited for that because we both need to quit that nasty habit of ours. I really don't have anything else to write about right now just because I really don't want to make this blog a bitching fest but that is probably what the next one is going to be so for my future blogs I would just like to apologize before hand.

Being sick

Ok so I don't know if my nerves are getting the better of me because I have been stressed to the point to where there are somedays I just can't stand the thought of getting up. No but seriously this week it has been one thing after another with being sick Tuesday it was cramps, yesturday it was sore throat and runny nose and last but not least today it was dry heaving, throwing up bile 'cause I couldn't keep anything down and my throat still kind of hurt. I guess it's good that I am getting all over with in one week but come on do I have to get everything. I am not the type of person to leave work unless I absolutely have to and today was one of those days. I felt absolutely horrible for having to leave but I couldn't take the chance of catching anything else and or spreading it to the patients if it is contagious. I left them short handed and I felt horrible for it but I made sure that everything was done that needed to be done before I left. I would have stayed if the person that was sitting would've let me sit today but he wouldn't let me sit and him take my patients because he wanted to study. I can respect that but I was about ready to throw up on people. I know now it just sounds like I am bitching. The one thing that was great about being sick was that it made me feel good 'cause Mike was worried about me. He didn't even want me to go in today but by the time I got up it was already too late to call in. He made me feel good just because he was and is always proud of me when I stick it out and he says I am the strongest woman he knows. He called and was txting for most of the morning to make sure I was ok. Well that's all I can think of right now. I will right more tomorrow I am sure that I'll have something else to write about by then

Life lessons some learn the hard way

Life can be a beautiful and dreadful thing sometimes, but it is all worth it in the end or at least that is what I have heard. I have been taught a lot a great life leasons one of which the most important is the best thing that you can be is faithful, honest, and to stand in what you believe in. I've also learned that the most important is family they are the only ones in life that you can really count on in the end. They know you better sometimes than you know yourself. They love you unconditionally and even though the may not always agree with what you do they would never turn their backs on you. I guess I am just so thankful for my family even though we have been through so much in our short time together there isn't anything more in life that I could ask for. My dad taught me the lesson that no good ever comes from lying. The only thing that gets you is the fact that people don't trust you or believe anything you have to say and it is hard to earn that back. My mom taught me compassion and understanding. I try to see the good in all people but I don't always see it unfortunately. I am pretty good at reading people and if I don't like you when I first meet you I probably will never like you but there has been those rare occasions when I have contradicted myself. My husband has shown me that not all men are dicks and there are some genuinally good guys out there. He is by far the best of the best and I couldn't ask for anything more.
I guess all I am saying is my life could be a lot worse and that I am and always should be greatful for what I have. I have patients that have things so much worse and they have made me realize that life can be gone in a blink of an eye and to appreciate what I have. I've seen family members torn apart by greed and selfishness and I do not want that for myself or my family.